The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

  • Date: 09 Feb 09
  • Posted By: Eliot Kare
  • Comments: 0

The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

By SCOTT SAALMAN

Six years back we logged much more years divorced than hitched. Somehow, the teeter-totter of the time tipped this way.

How do this be? Sixteen years considering that the Big D? — the withdrawal associated with wedding ring? Sixteen years, never remarried? — nowhere near. Jaded, maybe, about matrimony. We hesitate purchasing wedding gift suggestions for newlyweds. I’m a believer in divorce or separation gift ideas; that is whenever one of many two events will absolutely need the toaster.

I’ve dated — but I’ve not dated a lot more than I have actually dated. Second times are difficult to come by — my true genius evidently goes underneath the radar with anyone who has provided a restaurant on the awesome appetizers) with me(I blame it.

Never ever mind the date that is second. The toughest to nail down, this despite having personally “flattered” many females in the past 16 years it’s the first date that’s. Flattered. There’s nothing I hate a lot more than hearing that word originate from feminine lips or seeing it typed by feminine flailing fiery fingers.

Example. The oft-repeated situation:

Me personally: therefore, could you are taken by me away for supper?

Female: Scott, i will be flattered which you have actually expected me down —

Me personally (instinctively butting in to get a foothold): Great! I’ll pick you up at 6. Oh — and do you’ve got a passport.

Seems promising, right? Au contraire mon ami (French concerning . well . one thing French), because of this girl has more to express about them.

Female: Scott, i will be flattered me out, but that you have asked .

Henceforth comes the dreaded big but. But? But exactly what? It does not matter. None associated with the addendums are to my benefit.

Precisely 100 % (but who’s counting?) of this women that stated they certainly were “flattered” upon being asked down by me never finished up venturing out beside me.

“Flattered” is the kiss of dating death. Ladies reading my terms at this time are knowingly nodding like bobble-heads on rate and thinking that is likely “My Jesus, Scott cracked the rule. He’s on to us. We are in need of a brand new term. Must send memo.”

My recommended replacement for flattered: sickened. “Scott, i will be sickened which you have actually expected me out.” Perfect. Why overcome all over bush before beating the person down?

We suspect women use “flattered” as a way that is nice set the phase for rejection, a humane solution to harm (in essence, making the woman feel a lot better concerning the turndown, perhaps perhaps maybe not the man), a softening for the beaches ahead of the big blow to male ego, making a man feeling just like a turd in a tin glass.

An on-line woman that is dating came across did consent to satisfy for a glass or two. At our rendezvous, she informed me personally that she had invested nearly all of that trip to the funeral house where her mom ended up being being shown — visiting hours weren’t also over yet — with all the burial slated when it comes to after day. Deal breaker! Hey, I’m a delicate man, however, if there’s something we can’t stay, it is a Debbie Downer type. With no, i did son’t ask she did) if she needed a date for the funeral (even though maybe. I’m not too hopeless ( maybe maybe perhaps maybe perhaps not beneath me to scan the obituaries for Fresh Widow Meat, which as my hero Dave Barry might point out, would be a great name for a rock band) that it’s.

I’ve learned a couple of other items about dating within the ages that are middle.

Usually do not purchase your gf Mace. Used to do this when, concerned about her safety whenever alone. Then, throughout a stroll, we recommended we split up. Away came the Mace. The Mace hit my face. She clearly didn’t make the news along with I’d hoped . It absolutely wasn’t the optical eye burn that amazed me, it had been the neck burn. The gagging. Most sensible thing though ended up being she sprayed contrary to the wind, which implied most of the spray went back to her eyes and neck. Therefore, together we gagged and cried, and someplace within the insanity that lovers share, I was thinking: she Maced me personally, she must love me personally. In hindsight, I’m pleased I didn’t purchase her a handgun.

In case the date is excited to attend Barnes and Noble to not have a look at publications but to drive the escalator, this woman is 1) too young she was 15 years younger… but legal), or 2) she really needs to get out of Dubois County more for you. We lasted one visit to Barnes and Noble (or 20 rides regarding the escalator).

Cross country works that are dating it does not. On a few occasions, because of the joys of internet dating (which in Jasper means driving 2 to 3 hours for a night out together), we have actually driven really far for very very first times to simply hear my date let me know during the restaurant dining dining table that she is reallyn’t interested in pursuing a long-distance relationship ( not until after she finishes her steak, lobster and million buck martinis).

Attempting to make away for a very first date at a Weird Al concert is wrong on many amounts. Guilty. No 2nd date.

Adequate back at my guide to dating within the dark ages. I’m certain there’ll be much more to report through the trenches. I’m a hopeless intimate by having a punching case heart. Now then, if i will just work out how to not flatter somebody once I question them away.

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